i found out i may be rejected for PGWP on Jan 8, 2020. if that happens, i have to go back to china. so naturally a lot of my thoughts and confusions center around going back to china and its anxiety.
i do have this fear of going back to China. after 7 years abroad, i have used to living in north america. i am used to the language, the people, met nice people, used to doing things the way north america operates.
the biggest fear of china is its intensive work culture. i read online about the 996 system of working and exploiting people to death. there is no fun, everything is work. and a lot of stupid rules and rigid things to do that is not actually improving the actual work.
for example, even in the MSL at the big beijing city, they don't issue interns with cards, so i had to secretly follow other ppl to enter building. treating us like secondary workers while expecting us to work a lot. this is just disrepsectful.
also, phobe doesn't actually know much things about our job such as how to do the monthly report, but she demands us to do it well. so stupid.. i hate the stupid training system.
it just occurs to me that a lot of things in china are not professionally managed. and i don't like that. in the north america, everything seems orderly and lawful.
secondly, the people. if i go back to china, i just wanna work in wuhan because im so mentally tired. i don't feel like i have the energy to work hard to make a living in 1st tire city. but wuhan people are known to be rude and selfish and like to take advantage of simple people. i don't wanna get taken advantage of.
also, you can't return products in china. but i like to try different cosmetic products, and in north america, you can return even after using. but in china, you can't!
also the food is not good there. there is very lack of organic food, no good milk, no good yoghurt. most food are high card. western food are very expensive.
i also don't like the authoritarian regime. no freedom. even though freedom doesn't equate happiness.
the things that i think are worth going back to china is my parents and other family members: both parents are getting old and have chronic illnesses. it's my turn to take care of them instead of leaving them alone. after so many years abroad, it does make me feel lonely at the inner heart, everything is on myself to solve. sometimes it feels mentally hard being alone in another country. so going home at least there are parents and other families to share my burden.
another good thing of being back to china is easier to find gay guys, either for sex or bf. not that easy in north america for someone like me who prefer asian guys.
i guess i have to be positive if i do have to go back. more and more it feels like it's my destiny. i kept making mistakes on my road of immigrating to either the us or canada. but i thought about them, worried about them, procrastinated due to them, almost every day... but still couldn't do it. so if that is the case, then i just have to come to terms with the fact that i have really tried my best and accept reality.
the younger generation of china have better qualities than western peers. so hopefully i will like china in the future by working with them. the most toxic thing that made me fear china is, may be the insane work culture. i want to have time to work out, relax, and enjoy my hobbies. i have heard many cases of workers getting heart problem or other problems from long hours of work. that is just stupid on the work culture.
but, life is life. i don't think im that happy in north america, and i don't wanna go back to china and if i do i may be not that happy either. so i guess i will find either one eventually to find my eventual balance.
i do have this fear of going back to China. after 7 years abroad, i have used to living in north america. i am used to the language, the people, met nice people, used to doing things the way north america operates.
the biggest fear of china is its intensive work culture. i read online about the 996 system of working and exploiting people to death. there is no fun, everything is work. and a lot of stupid rules and rigid things to do that is not actually improving the actual work.
for example, even in the MSL at the big beijing city, they don't issue interns with cards, so i had to secretly follow other ppl to enter building. treating us like secondary workers while expecting us to work a lot. this is just disrepsectful.
also, phobe doesn't actually know much things about our job such as how to do the monthly report, but she demands us to do it well. so stupid.. i hate the stupid training system.
it just occurs to me that a lot of things in china are not professionally managed. and i don't like that. in the north america, everything seems orderly and lawful.
secondly, the people. if i go back to china, i just wanna work in wuhan because im so mentally tired. i don't feel like i have the energy to work hard to make a living in 1st tire city. but wuhan people are known to be rude and selfish and like to take advantage of simple people. i don't wanna get taken advantage of.
also, you can't return products in china. but i like to try different cosmetic products, and in north america, you can return even after using. but in china, you can't!
also the food is not good there. there is very lack of organic food, no good milk, no good yoghurt. most food are high card. western food are very expensive.
i also don't like the authoritarian regime. no freedom. even though freedom doesn't equate happiness.
the things that i think are worth going back to china is my parents and other family members: both parents are getting old and have chronic illnesses. it's my turn to take care of them instead of leaving them alone. after so many years abroad, it does make me feel lonely at the inner heart, everything is on myself to solve. sometimes it feels mentally hard being alone in another country. so going home at least there are parents and other families to share my burden.
another good thing of being back to china is easier to find gay guys, either for sex or bf. not that easy in north america for someone like me who prefer asian guys.
i guess i have to be positive if i do have to go back. more and more it feels like it's my destiny. i kept making mistakes on my road of immigrating to either the us or canada. but i thought about them, worried about them, procrastinated due to them, almost every day... but still couldn't do it. so if that is the case, then i just have to come to terms with the fact that i have really tried my best and accept reality.
the younger generation of china have better qualities than western peers. so hopefully i will like china in the future by working with them. the most toxic thing that made me fear china is, may be the insane work culture. i want to have time to work out, relax, and enjoy my hobbies. i have heard many cases of workers getting heart problem or other problems from long hours of work. that is just stupid on the work culture.
but, life is life. i don't think im that happy in north america, and i don't wanna go back to china and if i do i may be not that happy either. so i guess i will find either one eventually to find my eventual balance.
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